The rise of the demisexual

As most of us know, a lot of gay male culture seems to be geared towards hot looking guys, hooking up and well, you know the rest. But some gay men may experience sexual attraction only after they have established an emotional connection with another man. In other words, a demisexual.

What does demisexual mean?

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to other people that they have close emotional connections with. In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond. Or they may rarely experience sexual attraction and may rarely desire sex though they still may decide to have it.

The prefix “demi-” means “half” or “partly.” While asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction a, demisexuality implies a sort of middle ground.

What is the difference between asexuality and demisexuality?

Some people think demisexuality is the same as asexuality, that is they have little to no interest in sexual activity. While the terms are related, they're not the same. They are widely considered to be on the same spectrum due to the lack of sexual desire, but they should not be confused with one another.

Asexuality is the complete or near-complete absence of sexual attraction to anyone (of course, this depends on the individual), while demisexual people are capable of feeling sexual interaction but only after an emotional bond is formed.

Am I demisexual?

Here are some indications that you may be demi:

· You don't feel attracted to people unless you've gotten to know them and made ‘a connection’.

· You feel no stirring in your loins for hot strangers.

· You routinely develop feelings for friends.

· You either don't get flirting or it makes you uncomfortable.

· You've noticed a difference in the way you get attracted to people versus your friends.

What kind of bonds are there?

This emotional bond isn’t always love or romance, although it can be. For some demisexual people, it may be friendship including platonic friendship. They might not necessarily love the person whether romantically or platonically at all.

Also, there are various kinds of attraction. Sexual attraction relates to the desire for sexual contact. This is not the same as romantic attraction, emotional attraction, or, say, aesthetic attraction.

This means that a demisexual person’s approach to sex, dating and their identity might be massively different from another demisexual one. The definitions are way less clear cut, and it’s why there are lots of more and “newer” labels to better define these experiences.

Why does demisexuality need a label?

Your orientation describes who you’re attracted to. Demisexual people experience attraction to a select group of people.

You might wonder, “But don’t many of us wait to feel an emotional connection to someone before having sex with them?” Yes, many people do choose to only have sex with people they have a bond with whether it’s marriage, a committed romantic relationship, or a happy and trusting friendship. The difference is that demisexuality isn’t about having sex. It’s about the ability to feel sexual attraction to specific people.

You can be sexually attracted to someone without having sex with them, and you can have sex with someone without actually feeling attracted to them.

Demisexual people aren’t simply people who decide to date someone for a long time before having sex with them. It isn’t about deciding to have sex, but rather feeling sexually attracted to someone.

That said, some demisexual people might choose to wait a while before having sex with a romantic partner.

What does the demisexual flag look like?

The origin of the flag is unknown, but the colours are widely considered to represent asexuality (black), demisexuality (grey), sexuality (white) and community (purple).