Pronouns: A Vital Part of Identity
Gender pronouns are an essential aspect of a person’s identity. As a cis-gay or bisexual male, you may think that gender pronouns are irrelevant to you. However, it is important to understand why they matter, not just for others but for yourself as well.
By referring to someone with the pronoun that aligns with their gender identity, you are acknowledging and validating their identity. It shows that you see them for who they are and that you are making an effort to be an ally.
For many people, being misgendered can cause feelings of distress, frustration, and invalidation, leading to lower self-esteem and an increased risk of depression and anxiety. In some cases, it can even trigger traumatic memories or lead to physical harm.
What are gender and non-gender pronouns?
Pronouns are a vital part of identity because they are a fundamental aspect of how individuals present themselves to the world and how others perceive them. Gender pronouns reflect an individual’s gender identity, a profoundly personal and intrinsic part of who they are.
Pronouns are generally grouped by whether they’re ‘gendered’ or ‘gender neutral’.
Gendered pronouns include he/him/his and she/her/hers.
The most common gender-neutral pronouns in Australia are they/them/their.
However, other gender-neutral pronouns exist, such as fae/fem and ze/hir.
It is also important to note that gender identity is not always straightforward, and people may not identify as male or female. Some individuals identify as non-binary, genderqueer, or gender non-conforming, and their gender identity must be respected by using the pronoun that aligns with their identity.
Incorporating correct pronoun usage into daily interactions is essential to creating inclusive and accepting environments. By doing so, individuals can feel comfortable expressing their gender identity and can build stronger, more authentic relationships with others.
What is gender identity?
Gender identity is an individual’s understanding and perception of their own gender. It refers to the gender with which a person identifies, whether male, female, non-binary, genderqueer or any other gender identity. Gender identity, often shaped by a range of cultural, social, and personal factors, can be different from the sex assigned at birth.
A deeply personal and intrinsic aspect of who a person is, gender identity is fundamental to their self-understanding and sense of self. Individuals must be able to express and live their gender identity freely and authentically.
Respect for gender identity involves acknowledging and accepting an individual’s self-identified gender and using the correct gender pronoun to refer to them.
Grammar, be damned!
It is perfectly normal in English to use they/them pronouns when we don’t know the gender of the person to which we’re referring or if we want our sentence to apply to all genders. In fact, the use of the singular ‘they’ dates well back to the 14th century and wasn’t considered grammatically incorrect to use as a singular pronoun until the 18th century. Even still, many writers use the singular pronoun in writing well into the 19th century.
While it is no longer considered grammatically incorrect to use they/them as singular, it can still cause some confusion.
What if I get it wrong?
No one is perfect, and occasionally we slip up by misgendering or using the wrong pronouns. The important thing is to keep trying, quickly apologise and continue with the conversation. A genuine mistake is forgivable, and accepting that your error may offend, even though you may not understand precisely why, is the first step. Don’t worry if you stumble over pronouns; correcting yourself and moving on shows your commitment to accept, and it will get easier over time.
Our quick tips for using correct pronouns may help you feel a little more comfortable;
Ask for preferred pronouns: If you are unsure of someone’s preferred pronoun, simply ask. Respect the answer and use the correct pronoun consistently.
Use gender-neutral language: When referring to someone without using their name, use gender-neutral terms such as “they” or “them.” As discussed in this article, Grammar, be damned!
Correct yourself and others: If you make a mistake, quickly and respectfully correct yourself and move on. Encourage others to do the same.
Normalise pronoun usage: Make pronoun usage a regular part of your conversations and interactions. Helping to normalise the use of gender-neutral pronouns creates a more inclusive environment.
Avoid making assumptions: Do not assume someone’s gender identity or pronoun based on appearance or name. Everyone has the right to self-identify their gender.
Be patient with yourself and others: Using correct pronouns can take time and effort, so be patient with yourself and others as you work towards proper usage.
Don’t make it about you: When correcting pronoun usage, do so respectfully and without drawing attention to yourself. The focus should be on using correct pronoun usage, not on who made a mistake.
Educate yourself: Stay informed and continue to learn about gender identity and pronoun usage to help create better understanding and a more inclusive environment for everyone.
As a gay or bisexual male, you may have experienced some form of discrimination or marginalisation because of your sexual orientation rather than your gender identity. By using correct gender pronouns, you can demonstrate your commitment to creating a more equitable and inclusive society where everyone can feel comfortable being their authentic self!
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